How to Stay Calm and Not Give a F*ck About What Docs (or Anyone) Say About Risks in Pregnancy, Labour, and Birth

By a Traditional Birth Companion

Let me say this straight up: if you are pregnant or preparing to give birth, the world will try to drown you in fear. Doctors. Nurses. Family. Friends. Random people at the grocery store. They all seem to have opinions on your pregnancy and birth. They’ll tell you what’s “risky,” what you’re “allowed” or “not allowed” to do, what’s “safe,” what’s “dangerous,” what could go wrong.

But here’s the thing, love — you do not need to take that fear on.

How to Stay Calm and Not Give a F*ck

1. Remember: You are the authority.

Your body. Your baby. Your birth. End of story. You can listen. You can take in information. But you are not required to believe or internalize every warning or “what if” thrown your way. Breathe. Drop into your body. What feels true for you? That’s your guide.

2. Understand the difference between information and fear-mongering.

Risk exists in everything. Driving a car. Crossing the street. Eating sushi. But in pregnancy and birth, risk is often presented in ways that are designed to take away your power. The medical system is built on managing liability — not necessarily honouring the sacred process of birth. So when someone brings up a risk, ask yourself:
— Is this information meant to support me or control me?
— Does this risk feel real to me, in my body, in my knowing?
— How do I want to respond to this information?

3. Surround yourself with people who trust birth.

You can’t stay calm if you’re constantly surrounded by fear. Choose your birth team wisely. Choose people who see you as whole, powerful, and capable. People who don’t think birth is an emergency waiting to happen.

4. Practice sovereignty daily.

Sovereignty isn’t just for the birth room — it’s how you walk through pregnancy. It’s how you say:
“I’m choosing this.”
“I hear your concern. I trust myself.”
“I decline that.”
“No, thank you.”
Practice setting boundaries now so it’s second nature when you need it most.

Let’s talk about the word ALLOW

Please, let’s throw this word out of our birth language forever.

You don’t need anyone to allow you to birth your baby.
You don’t need permission to labour how you want.
You don’t need permission to eat, drink, move, rest, or roar.

When a provider says, “We don’t allow X” — what they really mean is: “We don’t like it when women claim their power and make choices outside our system.”

You are not a guest in your birth. You are not a student asking for permission.
You are the sovereign birther. The mother. The authority.

Let’s switch “allow” for words that honour your power:
💥 I choose
💥 I decline
💥 I consent
💥 I request
💥 I claim

Birth in Sovereignty

To birth in sovereignty is to stay connected to your knowing, no matter how loud the noise gets.
It’s to remember that the system isn’t built for you to feel powerful — so you must claim your power anyway.
It’s to say, “I trust myself. I trust birth. I trust my baby.”

You don’t owe anyone your fear. You don’t owe anyone your obedience. You owe yourself the birth that belongs to you.

So next time someone starts on about what they allow, or rattles off another risk, smile gently. Breathe deep. And remember — you don’t have to give a f*ck.

Your body. Your baby. Your birth. Your way.

xoxo

Kristin